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Wednesday, October 19, 2005

Love stank

Dear readers,

As I mentioned, I've started internet dating again. The difference this time, though, is the fact that I am not looking to get into a relationship. In fact, I am determined not to fall for anyone. Why would I avoid love you ask? Because I'm trying to decide if I want a job in NY, and getting confused about some new guy would only muck up the decision. So I'm dating to kill some time, but I don't expect it to lead anywhere. Can it be a coincidence then that I am doing better than ever with the fellas?

Men can smell desperation. They can smell our hopes and dreams of a white wedding and 2.5 kids as if it's a bad case of B.O. We don't like to admit it, but whether we think we are or not, we are projecting that little fantasy world into the ether, and they, hearkening back to their caveman ways, can sense it. That being said, when we aren't looking, is when the men always seem to come running.

Right now, I don't really care whether any of these internet guys call me back after the first date. And lo and behold, most of them are calling back. And yet, there have been a number of times this year when a guy I really liked didn't bother to call back. I have no doubt that it's my new laissez faire attitude that is keeping these guys interested. I'm in the moment rather than 20 steps ahead. And that "here and now" attitude is clearly more attractive to men than the subtle neediness I unwittingly project to them.

Now if I could just figure out how to keep this attitude once my career is all squared away and I am actually back on the market. Maybe I just have to bear in mind that my heart's been broken before and it'll likely get broken again. But there's always a new guy around the corner to intrigue me all over again, so there's no use getting ahead of myself with the one at hand.




Anonymous Anonymous said...

there is always one in the two who will like/love or do more for the other, is this needi? what ive found is the openings to a relationships always involve lots of mind games, or at least thats how i interpret things. is that where the fun is? 1 more thing... as soon as we get up in the morning, we step onto the world stage and we act to the people around us, usually to be liked, i find this same concept with dating.. when dating/getting to know the other he/she will try to impress and be the man/woman of the others dreams...UNTILL he or she is settled in the relationship then they can show there true form, now the dream bubble has been punctured, its only a matter of time before things become dull and you start nit picking your partners faults....what can you do...if ur not the great person you was at the start...would you get past the opening stages to follow on to the relationship?


10:17 AM  
Blogger Gordon said...

There's a lot of this around. Last night in the pub. My friend is "oh, I don't want a relationship, I don't care too much, I'm just dating. I'm not sure I want one for a long time right now".

So he is internet dating quite a few women.

This is all directly after coming out of a dodge long'ish relationship that ended in the usually kind of craziness.

I always think you just don't know and you can never say never as the next person you meet might be different, but somehow when people are in the "just dating" and "not paying much attention" mode they don't hear so well. So keep an open mind, that's really all you have to do.

5:09 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

you are a real biatch visit my clanpage i am from austria do you know reinhard fendrich the schwule wiggser?

7:52 PM  
Anonymous MintInBox said...

Not all men are like that tho. Some men do want to settle but these guys are kinda rare and it's not advisable to get your hopes up if they're under 30 (most people seem to know the kind of person they want by that age in my experience).

I must say that I'm surprised that you consider internet dating as most women I've met would never 'netdate' But hmmm... you seem a little reserved which I think is not a good thing. It kinda attracts guys who are not looking for anything more than just a fling. I always say to my friends when they just started to date someone new, "Give your best. You never know if they could be so right for you if you hold back."

Focusing on your career is a good thing but don't pick one over the other. Cheers.

12:20 AM  
Blogger Datingmonkey said...

Genuine lack of interest + thinking of moving a distance which I think is the equivalent of London to Moscow = Cockmagnet, as we say in Blighty. (In certain circles.)

I've 'practised' like this before and it does work (i.e. you remember what you did when you didn't care, and then try and re-enact it when you do care), but honesty's always the best policy eventually ... you just end up tying yourself in knots. Are you telling them you don't want to get involved? That really does work a treat in my experience but you're also being honest.

On the other hand, I reckon a load of the men are doing exactly the same thing ... so ... good luck.

Bit of a ramble, but there you go.

DM x

1:09 PM  
Blogger single_mingler said...

I completely agree with you about not getting ahead with it all. Just enjoy yourself. I´m trying to put together a network for people using the singlering, if you don´t know what it is go to their page www.singelringen.com, check it out and please let me know if you have any experience of it.

6:56 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Well ... this is a late comment, but I randomly ran into your blog just now. The idea behind getting guys when you're not trying just goes to show how much it helps to be yourself! Not that you aren't always yourself, I have no idea about that, but whether people try or not, when they're dating if they have other expectations they're always skewing how things unfold. When they go with the flow, be themselves and take things as they come, that's when things usually go as planned. Funny, eh?

10:27 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

find love using a 100% totally free online dating site, like TownsbestSingles.com

8:54 PM  
Anonymous emily said...

good for you! when my best friend who became a boyfriend cheated on me and then dumped me for a friend, i was upset. I also was moving states for work. I had 3 months to kill. Month 1: spent stalking and crying over ex. Month 2: spent getting over ex and getting myself back out there and dating a few nice fellows Month 3: buying myself lingerie online (i suggest pamperedpassions.com) and dancing in my apartment with my cat to loud music in my sexy lingerie....month 3 was the best...i did what i wanted and didn't care....i suggest buying some lingerie and getting sexy for yourself and doing a victory dance for being such an awesome biatch!

11:04 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

It's been 2 years... are you ever going to post again?

10:11 PM  
Anonymous dan said...

Would love to tell your readers about SpeedDate.com. It is the world's first ONLINE speed dating site. If you want to know more, email me back or check out SpeedDate.com

11:27 PM  
Anonymous Nick said...

wow didn't think this site had anything to do with dating, but i found some interesting stuff.

2:10 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


5:09 AM  
Blogger Patrick said...

I have had you bookmarked for a LONG time, and I'm pretty sure I left the "it has been 2 years..." comment above. Now, almost 7 years after you wrote this post, I have to ask, did you have a website/blog called "Amazon Bitch" back around 1998-2000 or so, with edited and obscured photographs of yourself?

9:56 PM  

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