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Sunday, September 11, 2005

The passive aggressive breakup

Dear Biatch,

I am sick of this guy I've been dating. He's a nice guy and all, but he drives me nuts. The thing is, I can't get up the nerve to break up with him. I hate hurting people's feelings, and I think I'm going to really catch him off guard by dumping him. I've been letting it drag on for a couple of weeks now, avoiding him as much as I can. When I do see him I don't even kiss him much anymore. What do I do?


Dear Lexy,

This is what I like to call the passive aggressive breakup. You don't have the nerve to break up with him so you subtly mistreat him for long enough that he eventually gets the picture. Any man with a clue will see that he's about to get dumped, and he may just make it easier on you by just disappearing. In the best of all worlds, we should all grow a pair and break up with someone face to face as soon as we know it's over. Alas, this is not the best of all worlds (if it were I'd be married to Ewan McGregor), so the more assertive breakup doesn't always happen.

I like to think that the average man likes getting dumped even less than the average girl does. Wounded male pride is a bitch ain't it? I'd love to know if men actually prefer to be dumped out right or if they'd rather just get the hint and leave on their own terms. The kindest thing is to pull the band-aid off quickly so he and you can both move on with your lives rather than drag out a bad thing. But I don't think it's the worst thing in the world to be a bit passive aggressive with it. Give him a week or two to get the idea that you aren't so into it anymore so that when you do pull the trigger he isn't totally caught off guard.

If you aren't kissing him anymore, surely he knows something is up. If I were him I'd be asking you what the problem is. If he asks, that's your chance to be honest with him. Don't lie and drag it out further. If he doesn't ask, well then he's being a bit passive himself. Don't let this passive aggressive stage last longer than a couple weeks. Any longer is just cruel and a big waste of time. Also, don't let passive aggressiveness turn into just plain meanness. It's on thing to not seem so interested in more, it's another to actually be rude to him. If you find yourself starting to snap at him or be cruel in hopes of him dumping you, that's not right. The entire purpose of the passive aggressive break up is to prepare him for you doing it later or get him to just mutually end things. It is not to be so awful to him that you push him away.

So Lexy, if you can get up the nerve, go ahead and break up with him ASAP. It sucks to hurt someone's feelings, but having to wonder what's going on is probably pretty painful for him too. It sounds like you've already had your passive aggressive grace period, he likely knows what's coming. So get it over with sooner rather than later!




Anonymous mbruce said...

My room mate in college perfected his technique into "The Passman Passout", simply getting so drunk when she comes over that he passed out on the floor,and hopefully the woman would take this as a sign to bail while the bailing's good.I had to seriously resist the urge to comfort these women as he lay on the living room floor.

9:39 AM  
Blogger DNC said...

Just read depression after breakup if you need help. There are relationship tips there.

8:57 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This post is right.. sorry to say.. these men make you plain down right crazy.. you are angry, I mean ANGRY at them, and they blow it off like nothing is happening.. or they have this great idea, maybe you would like to consider it... HEY DID YOU HEAR ME? you are a liar, cheat, thief and have a lot of other issues along the same line..

My boyfriend started to date a bank rep... manager, mortgage lender, I dont know. What I know is that I was an attorney doing his legal work for very little to just have something to do and he was going behind my back... and lying every step of the way.... I am sure seeing his incoming numbers she was impressed.. you better back up girlfriend, not so quick.. the out put has a different show!

If you realize that the blood is being sucked out of your being, and you are being punished in doing what you do best... LOOK OUT!

I have a surprise for my boyfriend.. his sad and sullen face is not going to work. His people who are begging me to come back.. Failure~~~.... the only way I would even consider going back.. and I would think about it is if 1) his son who tormented me and told me I was going to be OUT.. came clean and told the truth to his dad that he controls his life.. and that he is all a lie.. a big one... and that my ex.. come clean about Mariana at One West Bank in Santa Monica, Ca that he dated her and that I was working 14-16 hours per day to do his legal work while he was dating her....

I was so angry that when I returned from a business trip, I put the exit together and one morning when my ex was so very happy..... I gave him 15 minutes to drive to the office and discover that I was gone...... never to return.

They are playing a big price today.. and they can not hire someone else!!!!

9:53 PM  

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