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Thursday, August 18, 2005

A Fizzling L-Bomb

Dear readers,

I want to be loved as much as the next girl (perhaps even more to be quite honest!) But proclamations of love can make me nervous, particularly when they come too soon. Typically when I date someone, getting him to announce his love is a long and arduous process, chock full of vague and sometimes not-so-vague hinting around the topic. Usually by the time he tells me he loves me, I am overjoyed and all too happy to return the favor. But what about in those rare instances when it comes before I'm ready. I'm a woman, aren't I always ready? It turns out that sometimes I'm actually a little slower on the draw when it comes to feelings of love.

There are few things in life more awkward than dead silence following the dropping of an L-Bomb. Time stops and possibilities race through your head. Say it back even though you don't mean it? Downgrade it to a "I like you, too?" Explain how you feel? Or just stone cold silence? I was the recipient of an L-Bomb after 3 weeks of dating. I adored this guy, I really did. But I was simply not ready to utter those words. And so I said nothing. This poor guy who was doing something good, right? And instead of being rewarded, he was probably humiliated. In the end, it would have been unfair to say it back if I didn't really mean it. Telling someone you love them is a promise of sorts. A promise of a future together, of deep felt, enduring feelings. Lying would be unfair to both of us.

So what is the right response? I'm not sure there is one. It's never going to feel good to have your love unrequited. That's why I think it's so important to be careful when you dole out your "I love you's". Probably the best response is to explain that you really do like him but you aren't ready to say those words yet, but when it happens unexpectedly, it can be hard to find those words.

Personally, I don't actually ever say it until my boyfriend has said it first. Not because I don't feel it, but because I know myself enough to know that I would NOT handle it well to have my L-bomb languish out in space. And I can imagine few ways to drive a man away faster than to tell him you love him too soon. And if you do drop your bomb prematurely? Try not to be too heartbroken...it doesn't mean it'll never be returned, it just means you might have to wait for your loved one to catch up a bit.

As for me, it's nice to know I'm loved even if it scares the bejeezus out of me!




Blogger Willy Jo said...

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2:47 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

i was engaged, to who i thought was my princess,she lives in manila, i live in hawaii, it was not like a mail order bride, i saw her every 2 months for 18months, i quit a very high paying management position, and moved to bangkok, to start a buisness to be closer to her, i gave her everything, but was not buying her love, i brought her to bangkok twice jan, and march, then things didnt feel right, i asked her many times, if there was a problem, she could tell me anything, she claimed everything was fine, i told her if she had someone else, she could tell me, she said ofcourse not, i went to manila in july, and left to come back to maui, on the 28th, on the 8th of this month, i received a email from a unknown source, it told me about her real life, with another guy, dates places, more then i wanted to know, more then i could take, i could not reach her that day, on the 9th, i found out that i was very very ill, the same day as i got intouch with her, when i asked her, she finaly admitted it, said we would talk that nite, i received 1 email wihing me good luck with my illness, and that was it, i never found out who where when why, my question, the words "i love you" do they really meen anything, we said it till the day i left, and i am not hidding anything, i never abused her in any way verbaly or physicaly, i did not keep her like a show dog, on a leash, she had trust, freedom love understanding, comitment, everything she ever desired, money all i had my heart and soul, i left she took the wedding money, to live with someone else, can you explain to me, if those words have any meaning?

10:58 PM  

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