< Love Biatch: e-dumping < Love Biatch >

Thursday, August 11, 2005


Dear Readers,

Modern technology is wonderful in so many ways. A day without email or instant messaging is simply unbearable. And no one would argue that it hasn't changed the way we communicate. Now sharing your thoughts is only a key stroke away.

So what has it done for dating? Well it's obviously made it a helluva lot easier to meet people via dating sites. It has also enabled a whole new way of flirting...coy emails, text messages and IM's are much less threatening than actual face to face contact.

But of course there's a dark side to technology and dating. No one enjoys hurting someone else's feelings...or maybe some do, but no one likes actually having to deal with the emotional fall-out face to face. And no one can throw something at you our cuss you out if you are safely ensconced in cyber space. And thus the advent of the e-dumping.

From: Y
Subject: RE: Breakup
Date: Fri, 12 Aug 2005 10:39:16 -0700

Dear X,

It's just not working out. I hope you understand.


Now I'm ashamed to admit, I too have fallen prey to the deceptive ease of the e-dumping. I'd been on 2 dates with a guy and had no interest in seeing him for the 3rd date I'd already agreed to. Since we'd had so little interaction in the first place, and the whole relationship had only been a week, I figured an email was easier for everyone. I mean, why would he want to actually listen to me say I wasn't interested? Wouldn't it just be less embarrassing for him if he could nurse his wounded ego in front of the glow of the monitor instead of right in front of me?

But here's the thing. I've been e-dumped twice now, and let me tell you it's insulting and it sucks in a profound sort of way. First off, you can't control when the dumpee actually reads the email, so it can come at an inopportune time, like say 9 am on a work day. Who wants to deal with the shock of being dumped in front of all of their coworkers with a full day still ahead of them? Cruel, just cruel! Secondly, it doesn't allow for any reaction on the dumpee's part (which admittedly is much of the allure of the e-dumping for the dumper). But that's just not fair. If you've been dating someone long enough to feel obligated to notify them that you won't be seeing them again, then at least make yourself available for reaction.

When I got e-dumped, I just wanted to understand why. But text on a screen can't answer that for me. And so my choice was suck it up and take the email at face value or call him. Neither is a particularly appealing option, and it could have been made easier if I could have just asked him immediately what he was thinking. Maybe some really would prefer to be e-dumped because it's much less awkward, but not me. I'm not sure how you're supposed to know if someone is e-dumpable, but until you can determine that, it's just poor form to do it. Next time, grow a pair and call the poor sucker.



P.S. To the guy I e-dumped...I'm sorry. Karma's a bitch and I know that now. I for one will not be e-dumping again.


Blogger insanityinsk said...

Loved the post on e-dumping.I agree the face to face gives better closure. But sometimes the guy is such a loser its just better to do online~

12:40 PM  

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