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Thursday, August 04, 2005

Buffer Boy

Dear Biatch,

I am crazy about this guy Chris I just started dating. I have another guy Mark who keeps asking me out, and he seems pretty cool, but I don't see the point in going out with him. I call Chris a lot and do things like pick him up little things I see that remind me of him. I know I'm supposed to play hard to get, but I just can't. Am I screwing things up?

Candace

Dear Candace,

Unfortunately your version of being sweet to Chris, might just be coming off as overbearing and worse yet, nutso. You said it yourself, you're "crazy" about him! Allow me to introduce you to a wonderful concept you seem to be missing out on:

Buffer Boy buff-er boi n.
A boy who provides a buffer between you and object of your affection and/or obsession.

Mark sounds like an excellent candidate for a buffer boy role. If you are busy seeing Mark, who by your own account is cool, then you aren't busy coming on too strong with Chris.

Look, I am not saying you have to follow the "Rules" and pretend to be something you're not. I'm just saying you're not doing yourself any favors when you call him too much or give him gifts for no reason. You just haven't been with him long enough to merit that. If he doesn't feel like he earned your sweetness, he's less likely to appreciate it.

I'm also not saying to use Mark. But if you like him well enough and you aren't making false promises to him, there's no harm in having a little fun hanging out with him. And the buffer he provides might be just enough to keep you from pushing Chris away!

5 ways to drive a man away in no time flat:

  1. Start calling him baby names. You might get away with Schnookie and Poopsie Pie once he already loves you, but it's more likely to inspire his gag reflex than affection early on.
  2. Call him all the time or just show up on his doorstep frequently. Can you say stalker?
  3. Tell him you want to have his babies.
  4. Unload all your baggage on him. Ultimately he's gotta accept you warts and all, but at the beginning, let him still think you're perfect.
  5. Drop the L-Bomb.

Love,

Biatch

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