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Monday, July 18, 2005

A Leopard Print Disaster

A true story (names have been changed to protect the innocent)...

She rushes home from work worried she won't make it in time. She's running late, and Boy might just beat her to her apartment. Thankfully she pulls into her parking lot just in time to enact her plan. The previous weekend She bought a particularly sexy new pair of underwear, and she was eager to surprise Boy. Things had been a bit strained between them, and She figured showing up at the door in leopard print panties might just smooth things over.

She even has time to drag a brush through her hair and spray on some perfume before she hears the knock at her door. One last glance at her outfit - perfect! She pulls open the door slowly, giving Boy a good long look at her gorgeous half naked self. Images of rapturous love making fill her mind. He'll scoop her up and carry her immediately to the bedroom, and all the stress of the last week will melt away. Boy looks surprised to see her at the door in lingerie. He comes in, hugs her, plants a rather loveless kiss on her lips. "Wow," he says. "You look sexy." She notes that he has neither bothered to brush his teeth or his hair before arriving but decides that those are minor points.

She smiles with expectation for what comes next, the passionate kiss, breathless whisper in her ear that he must have her now. But no. Boy releases her from his embrace, walks into the kitchen to put down his bag of groceries. He turns around to her and says, "So how was work?" She is perplexed, can this really be happening? She stands in the doorway a moment longer, uncertain what to do next. Perhaps he's being coy? She cocks her hip to the side and says in her most sultry voice, "Well that wasn't quite the response I was looking for." It's his chance to give her a sly grin and proceed to the mind blowing sex portion of the evening. But it's not meant to be. Instead, Boy looks at her blankly and says, "What reaction were you looking for?"

She is now at a complete loss for words. How could a brand new pair of gorgeous panties not raise his temperature a few degrees? How could the mere sight of so much newly tanned flesh not inspire more than insipid conversation? She sulks into her room remarking over her shoulder, "oh I guess I should put some clothes on." She walks to her room, and in a huff puts on her most defiantly unsexy granny panties, jeans and an old t-shirt. She walks back out to the kitchen uncertain how to proceed. Unable to engage in light banter, she sets about preparing dinner. Now its Boy's turn to be confused. He looks at her and asks, "Did I miss something?"

Did you? Did you?!? Oh the tragedy! Honestly, I'm not sure there is much of a moral to this sad, sad story...Just thought it merited sharing. If nothing else, it reminds us that men are unbelievably dense and that we are no alone in our dating disasters. Apparently no hint is strong enough for some guys. Thus, we can't take it too personally when they simply don't "get it." Just because Boy didn't give her the reaction she wanted, it doesn't necessarily mean he doesn't like her or think she's hot. It could just mean he has the IQ of a rutabaga. We look fabulous in our sexy lingerie, and men are fools if they don't acknowledge it!

Love,

Biatch

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