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Friday, July 01, 2005

Is it HIM?

Dear Biatch,

I just a met a new guy a month ago. He seems like he could be the man of my dreams. Do you think I could know that so soon?

Kelly

Kelly,

If you meet a guy and you are immediately picking out your china patterns and thinking about how Lover Boy Jr. will have his eyes and your fabulous hair, you are setting yourself up for disaster. We all do it - we are so hopeful that we'll know HIM when we see HIM, that we imagine that every seemingly quality guy we meet is HIM.

Just like he doesn't know you at first, you don't know him. He could be hiding the crazy. He could have a hidden temper. He could be just plain dull after the initial excitement wears off. You just don't know, so don't put too high of expectations on him too soon. It's great to be excited, but if you build him up too much, he's unlikely to be able to live up to your lofty expectations.

David seemed perfect to my friend Alexis. He was handsome, successful, interesting and funny. She was ready to walk down the aisle about a week into knowing him (and said as much to her friends). Two months into knowing him she realized he was THE WORST hookup of all time (no seriously, the worst. I took a survey.) Fortunately she had followed my advice and didn't put out too soon, so the discovery of his ineptitude was quite a shock to poor Alexis. However, the complete inability to please a woman is a deal breaker in her book (and should be in yours, too!), so she realized there simply wasn't a future for them. You can teach a boy new tricks, but you can't teach a 29 year old man that everything he has ever thought he was doing right is in fact horrifyingly WRONG. So David went from future husband to has-been pseudo boyfriend in 2 months flat. A clear indication that at the beginning you simply don't know what his real potential is.

Kelly, Lover Boy here may be The One. Let's hope he is. But you don't do yourself or him any favors by thinking about that right now. Just luxuriate in the beginnings of a great relationship. You have the rest of your life to figure out if he's sticking around for good.

Love,

Biatch

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