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Tuesday, July 26, 2005

Batting Practice

Dear Biatch,

I was dating this guy "Eric" off and on for 8 years. For the last 2, we were living together. In September, he admitted to me that he was "talking" behind my back to a casual friend of mine. I freaked! A month later I broke into his email since I still didn't trust him. I found an email he sent saying he thought he was in love with a friend of his. I couldn't believe it! I confronted him with it, and he begged forgiveness and said he had written it when he was confused.

I felt like I needed to talk to someone, so I told our friend "James" about the situation. In the midst of venting about my boyfriend, I made an off-hand comment about how small Eric's penis is. Now the thing is, James and Eric work together. So a few weeks later when James and Eric got into a fight at work, James made a crack about his tiny penis. Eric went nuts on me when he got home, and we ended up breaking up.

Months later, Eric begged for me back. A few days ago, he made a comment about how he was so glad we are together again, and he's so happy he decided to give me a second chance. What?! I never asked for a second chance! He begged me, not the other way around!

So I love him, but in the back of my mind I hate him. I let his comment go because I didn't want to fight, but Biatch, there are some days where I just want to strike him with a bat. Should I continue with this man and believe him? Or should I open my eyes and move on?


Dear Lisa,

"I just want to strike him with a bat." Do you even need to ask if you should be with him? Now I know we all get angry sometimes and say things we don't mean, but all I hear in this letter is an undercurrent of outright loathing!

This guy doesn't sound like much of a prize...he talked to your friend behind your back, he thought he loved someone else...and worse yet, he has a small penis? Yikes! It's hard to end things...often because doing so requires us to admit we have been wasting time. Even harder is facing the prospect of starting over again. Believe me dating anew can suck, but it's worth it in the end. Effectively you are throwing good time after bad. The longer you stay with him, the more time you are wasting. It doesn't justify the time you already wasted, it only adds to it.

Now, here's the thing. It wasn't technically right for you to read his email. That's a breach of trust, and if you were at the point where you trusted him that little, you really shouldn't have been with him. But in this case, given what you found, there's no use dwelling on that. Just remember in the future, not to make that kind of behavior a habit.

If guys heard the kind of stuff we say behind their backs when we're angry, they'd die of embarrassment. Calling Eric out on his miniscule bits and bobs was nothing compared to some of the stuff you could have said. So it was totally out of line for James to betray your trust and tell Eric what you said. If I were you, I wouldn't be trusting James again any time soon! That said, you do see that it wasn't the brightest thing for you to share that little morsel with one of his coworkers, right?

Lisa, it sounds like this has been going down hill for a while. There is no trust, and he and you are clearly not on the same page about the current situation. It sounds like you are much better off cutting your losses and moving on than you would be sticking around and trying to convince him that it was really all his fault. Go find yourself a man who you can trust and not beat the bejeesus out of with a bat!




Anonymous Sexy and Single said...

You are bitchy! He was just talking. So what.

12:59 PM  

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