< Love Biatch: June 2005 < Love Biatch >

Thursday, June 30, 2005

Putting Out

Dear Biatch,

I'm dating a new guy who I really like. When is it ok to sleep with him?

Beth

Well, Beth, it's pretty simple. For now, keep you pants zipped!

If you truly like a man, and you want him to stick around, waiting at least a little while is advisable. We all know that early on a man has one thing and one thing only on his mind. If you make him wait long enough, he'll accidentally get to know you in the process of getting into your pants. If you give in too soon, and he's gotten what he wants before he has time to notice how cute your laugh is or to find out that you have a fascinating perspective on global warming, then he might move on to a new conquest.

S0 how long is long enough? It all depends on circumstances, but aim for a month or two. No one can really get to know you any faster than that, so why rush it? Plus, people appreciate things more when they really have to work for them. If your pants fall off without the slightest provocation, he's not going to feel like he earned it!

So you say you are simply too horny for that? Allow me to direct you to the nearest Hustler store. There are ways to take care of an active libido that don't involve putting out too soon.

Beth if you really like this guy, keep those loins in check...if he's as great as you think he is, he'll wait for you (at least for a while!)

Love,

Biatch

Wednesday, June 29, 2005

Don't Buy the Cow

Dear Biatch,

I've been dating this guy for a while now. Our first couple dates were great. On our 3rd date, he invited me over to his place to watch a movie, and we ended up having sex. Since then, he never asks me out for weekends and he never actually takes me out. Instead, we always go over to his place and "watch movies." We have a good time, but I worry that this has become an "arrangement" instead of a relationship. What do you think I should do?

-Olivia

Olivia,

Ever heard the phrase, "why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?" Well, Olivia, you're the cow. And the milk is your sweet, sweet love. It seems like you know what your problem is here. You have an arrangement. A relationship involves getting to know each other and not just in a carnal way. A few things to remember:

  1. Men who like you want to see you on weekends. That is prime dating real estate. If he isn't seeing you then, there's a good chance he's seeing someone else then, or he's hoping for something better than you to come up. Either way, that's not good. An ex of mine had a great way of describing this. Girls that were worth a hook up but not a weekend night were known as "Weekday Ho's." Olivia, do you want to be a weekday ho?
  2. Neither having sex nor watching movies involves actually getting to know more about you as a person. If he isn't making an effort to find out more about you - your middle name, your childhood pet, your latest project at work - then he isn't interested in you for your personality.
  3. Who can blame a guy for keeping a girl around who sleeps with him without expecting anything in return? By coming over and sleeping with him, you are reinforcing his behavior. If you want him to date you, you need to start turning him down for these little movie nights. Next time he asks you to come over, suggest going out and grabbing dinner. It'll tell you all you need to know if he balks.

So Olivia, it's time for you to break lover boy out of this routine. If it doesn't work, tell him to shove his arrangement. You're no weekday ho!

Love,

Biatch